Who Do You Have to Ask to Get Married?

I saw this PSA from Ireland a little over a month ago, by way of @queerty, and actually teared up:

Long time readers know that I believe in two things when it comes to the marriage issue:

  1. equality under the law is a must
  2. marriage does not offer most of the protections and promises the movement has insinuated it will

That means, for the most part I support gay marriage efforts by writing about pending legislation on the blog, signing and circulating petitions and materials, and working on education campaigns, but I am not married myself nor do I imagine I ever will be. I also agree that gay marriage organizing has not taken into account transgender people (see my post on this) but I believe that is an issue of expanding the marriage discourse.

Yet watching this commercial made me think about what the world would be like if everyone literally had to go beg everyone in their town for permission to marry. (Or, as is currently the case in Washington and was the case in California just this summer, beg yearly or almost yearly for permission for their marriage to remain valid.) I could not help but think that maybe my own cynicism about marriage is getting in the way of seeing why it is seems so dire to others in our community/ies. And all the more committed to the reality that as long as we are denied access to basic rights granted the majority, and upon which many discourses of morality and economic and social gain depend, we cannot hope to be seen and treated as equal by the nations in which we reside.

2 thoughts on “Who Do You Have to Ask to Get Married?

  1. could you point me to your old posts on point #2?

    i think 3 people ought to be able to form a marriage bond. i don’t suppose that will happen in my lifetime.

    i do think that once we get marriage federally, our children are better protected. it’s huge to have the state go from criminalizing our relationships to recognizing them on an equal footing. thanks for sharing that clip!

    • If you run a search on marriage using search engine on right hand side of the blog you should be able to find most of my posts on the subject.

      I think your idea of expanding marriage beyond two people is one of many types of families that people engage in that have been left out.

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